IRS to Embarcadero Baumberg: "Go Fuck Yourself!"

Dude. If you're like me, then you don't make a lot of money. And you're also really good looking with a voice that could charm the halo off an angel. Apparently you also owe a shit ton of loot to the IRS.
Now I'm no pinko leftist looking to overthrow the government (commies pay way higher taxes), but I am starting to wonder what the deuce these bastardos are doing with my cashish. They're straight jacking me like a raccoon at yer front door.

This is some ol' bullshit. I think there should be some sort of reward for making it 12 months without being arrested or going on unemployment. Call it the "low expectations amnesty," or even the "Aim Low Kid Deduction" (see what I did there? our band is called Aim Low Kid...). That way if the best thing you can say about yourself in any given year is that you're neither a criminal, nor indigent, you should get a pity-pass on paying taxes. Sort of like the discounted lap dances I get when I go to a strip club...


Er, I mean... um, chicks...
Now I'm not saying rich people who don't get arrested should be eligible for the Aim Low Kid Deduction... this is strictly for us "regular folk." You know, people who put their pants on one leg at a time... and sometimes have to use napkins when they run out of toilet paper... or paper towels... or coffee filters. The kind of proud Americans who understand that "whole grain," and "organic" are just conspiracies run by fringe extremists out to taint the good name and nutritional value of Doritos.
So yeah, anyway... taxes can blow me. If you're interested in helping Embarcadero avoid debtors prison in the Bastille, please make checks payable to Aim Low Kid International...

A Case of the Mondays...

Dear Chumps,

Welcome to the new Aim Low Kid HQ. You ever hear of Aim Low Kid?
Here at the offices of Aim Low Kid International, our Mondays are just like yours: we shower, we shave, we eat a half grapefruit with Splenda, drink a piping hot cup of gravy-er, I mean, coffee... and then we get to work writing sweaty hot jams about the minutia of Southern living. Yes we're located in San Francisco, but did it ever occur to you that looking down upon the uneducated masses from out Ivory Tower in the North gives us a rare perspective on agrarian living? Moron.
So we sit here, and we write songs about what we think it might be like to live without amenities such as iPods, iPhones, iTunes, or even things not made by Apple... like, uh... bicycles. When we're finished, we sometimes contemplate practicing those songs, but we find it's more rewarding to learn facts and trivia. For instance, just today we wrote a song about how hard life can be when your plow breaks down and the crop is ready for harvest. Then we read a book about the ramifications of Kosovo declaring independence from Serbia.

In both cases we decided that a plow is totally unnecessary for a harvest.

But I digress... the reason we started a blog was to keep our many fans abreast of our constant metamorphosis. So let me just remind you, we've got shows coming up. And we're about to record a new album. And you're all, "But I didn't even hear the first album!" To which we angrily respond, "Guess you'll have to buy one! That is, if you haven't already wasted your money on the Rhianna/Avril Lavigne split 7" on Victory Records."


Calling it Skanktron seemed excessive.
Welcome to Aim Low Kid HQ. More to come, chumps.

Yours,
Embarcadero Baumberg
Aim Low Kid Estate Manager
Personal Lines Insurance Broker
Gemini