R.I.P. Charlton Heston, Nostalgia, NRA

Chuckton Heston was one of the best. He had a really kick ass physical advantage on other actors that made him, essentially, the LeBron James of his era. Sure, there were other actors who could boast good looks (Stewart, Grant, Gable), booming freak-voice (Yul Brynner) or even his level of manly physical prowess (Katherine Hepburn). But nobody combined all three in such a convenient package. Whether he was playing a Mexican (Touch of Evil), or even a Jew (The Ten Commandments), dude could act.
He also got posterized by Michael Moore once which I thought was lame. Can't hate on El Cid for being a baller, if a conservative one.
Speaking of conservative, this dude loved guns.
I always imagined the den of his private home with human heads mounted on the wall. And a giant polar bear rug. The rug really got off light though, I suppose.

Don't worry, it turns out Polar Bears hang out on ice drifts on purpose, to hunt. And they can swim like 20 miles no problem, so this guy's cool... unless this ice flow is 21 miles or more away from shore. But if it is, then he's in international waters, and you know what that means...


That's right, it's freaky interspecies bondage. Anyway... Charlton Heston was great.
He will be missed...
If you'd like to make a small donation to the NRA in honor of his memory... what? That's not inappropriate!

Anesthetic Awareness? Don't be a Pussy...

It's the vomiting while you're unconscious that'll kill you...



My brother says "Anesthetic Awareness" isn't real. Anakin Skywalker, Jessica What's-Her-Name and the black guy from Crash (get it? eh... eh... which black guy?) all say "Fuck you, quote unquote brother." In unison. While doing air quotes with their fingers.
Dude, I used to look forward to the fun overnight-stay playfulness of surgery. That innocence is gone...
I am now officially uncomfortable with going "under the knife" as the saying goes... or went 20 years ago. Now I guess I'd more accurately say "under the laser," or even, "under the telekinetic powers of an alien race of Superdoctors."
The whiteys in Aim Low Kid would call these Superdoctors "Jewish" or "Asian."

But that offends me...

both as a Jew, and as a guy who watches a lot of Kung-Fu movies...

Battle of Ideologies

No longer just a place to find the definitions of words like slag or plonker (what are you a cockney street urchin?), UrbanDictionary.com is now the site of a grudge match. It hosts a wee battle to the finish for who defines the divisive phrases, "moonbat" and "wingnut." Having read a few of these, I have come to the conclusion that the failed abortions responsible for posting these all fit under another definish at the ol' urban dictionary.
Wait, is there an entry for fuckface? Why yes... yes there is.
What this all has to do with the band I don't know, but when I Googled lead singer Daniel Phifer looking for a photo, all I got was this:

A Case of the Mondays...

Dear Chumps,

Welcome to the new Aim Low Kid HQ. You ever hear of Aim Low Kid?
Here at the offices of Aim Low Kid International, our Mondays are just like yours: we shower, we shave, we eat a half grapefruit with Splenda, drink a piping hot cup of gravy-er, I mean, coffee... and then we get to work writing sweaty hot jams about the minutia of Southern living. Yes we're located in San Francisco, but did it ever occur to you that looking down upon the uneducated masses from out Ivory Tower in the North gives us a rare perspective on agrarian living? Moron.
So we sit here, and we write songs about what we think it might be like to live without amenities such as iPods, iPhones, iTunes, or even things not made by Apple... like, uh... bicycles. When we're finished, we sometimes contemplate practicing those songs, but we find it's more rewarding to learn facts and trivia. For instance, just today we wrote a song about how hard life can be when your plow breaks down and the crop is ready for harvest. Then we read a book about the ramifications of Kosovo declaring independence from Serbia.

In both cases we decided that a plow is totally unnecessary for a harvest.

But I digress... the reason we started a blog was to keep our many fans abreast of our constant metamorphosis. So let me just remind you, we've got shows coming up. And we're about to record a new album. And you're all, "But I didn't even hear the first album!" To which we angrily respond, "Guess you'll have to buy one! That is, if you haven't already wasted your money on the Rhianna/Avril Lavigne split 7" on Victory Records."


Calling it Skanktron seemed excessive.
Welcome to Aim Low Kid HQ. More to come, chumps.

Yours,
Embarcadero Baumberg
Aim Low Kid Estate Manager
Personal Lines Insurance Broker
Gemini