IRS to Embarcadero Baumberg: "Go Fuck Yourself!"

Dude. If you're like me, then you don't make a lot of money. And you're also really good looking with a voice that could charm the halo off an angel. Apparently you also owe a shit ton of loot to the IRS.
Now I'm no pinko leftist looking to overthrow the government (commies pay way higher taxes), but I am starting to wonder what the deuce these bastardos are doing with my cashish. They're straight jacking me like a raccoon at yer front door.

This is some ol' bullshit. I think there should be some sort of reward for making it 12 months without being arrested or going on unemployment. Call it the "low expectations amnesty," or even the "Aim Low Kid Deduction" (see what I did there? our band is called Aim Low Kid...). That way if the best thing you can say about yourself in any given year is that you're neither a criminal, nor indigent, you should get a pity-pass on paying taxes. Sort of like the discounted lap dances I get when I go to a strip club...


Er, I mean... um, chicks...
Now I'm not saying rich people who don't get arrested should be eligible for the Aim Low Kid Deduction... this is strictly for us "regular folk." You know, people who put their pants on one leg at a time... and sometimes have to use napkins when they run out of toilet paper... or paper towels... or coffee filters. The kind of proud Americans who understand that "whole grain," and "organic" are just conspiracies run by fringe extremists out to taint the good name and nutritional value of Doritos.
So yeah, anyway... taxes can blow me. If you're interested in helping Embarcadero avoid debtors prison in the Bastille, please make checks payable to Aim Low Kid International...

The Breadbowl: Ruining your Meal Since 1937

If there's 2 things San Francisco has plenty of, it's gay dudes who are so physically jacked they make straight dudes (like me) look like women...


... and delicious clam chowder in sourdough breadbowls.


Here's what I've learned: the breadbowl is a hoax. Not unlike Global Warming, premium channels and the female orgasm.
You see, the breadbowl is no different from a ceramic bowl, or even a plastic bowl. It's a temporary holding location for the soup until the soup can be transported to your mouth, usually via spoon. In a sense, it's like soup escrow. But the bonus is the escrow account is a flaky and delicious piece of sourdough bread to be enjoyed long after the soup transfer has occurred.
The problem is it looks bigger and significantly more delicious than, say a mug of Campbell's Tomato, duping the innocent soup purchaser into paying more. In reality they're probably getting less soup and that delicious flaky sourdough escrow account has turned into a cold hard hockey puck of non-interest-earning dissatisfaction, to be unceremoniously discarded with regret.

Bet you were wondering how I was gonna tie that all together. And yes, for those of you keeping track at home, that is 2 posts in a row with drawings of bears in bondage gear. Aim Low Kid rules!!